The One With the Movie Trailer
by ijnfleetadmiral
Summary: Indianapolis finds out there's a movie coming out about her final days. Her reaction to how Hollywood sees it is...lively. Rated M for language.
**DISCLAIMER: I do not own KanColle...although I wish I had a fleet of beautiful shipgirls. :) Admirals Goto and Holloway make cameos from CV12Hornet's "Things Involving Shipgirls that Are No Longer Allowed".**

 **NOTE:** **This fanfic was written in response to the HUGE historical inaccuracies portrayed in the newly-released trailer for the film _U.S.S. Indianapolis: Men of Courage_ , starring Nicholas Cage and directed by Mario van Peebles. Yeah, I went there...I named names...sue me. I'm living on Ramen noodles and PB&J...still think you'll get something out of it?**  


* * *

 **The One With the Movie Trailer**

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

The enraged roar shattered the peaceful early Thursday evening at San Diego Naval Base. Heads poked out of dorm rooms across the base as a loud commotion started to make itself known.

"What's going on?" San Francisco looked down the hall to see a wildly-protesting Portland being dragged bodily down the hall by Indianapolis, who looked ready to unleash hell on whatever person was the next one to utter the word 'no'.

"Let me go, Portland! THEY MUST PAY!" the enraged heavy cruiser snarled.

"No, Indy!" Portland gasped, trying desperately to impede her sister ship's headway. "You can't just barge into a major studio - !"

"I can when it's me and my boys they're making a movie about!" Indianapolis yelled. The cruiser was so upset she was near tears. "If there was ONE event in the Pacific War that Hollywood needed to tell as CORRECTLY as possible, it was THAT ONE...and it's like they didn't even TRY to get it right!"

"What the...?" Pensacola and Salt Lake City trailed off, confused, and they looked to Portland for an explanation.

"She just saw the trailer for that new Nicholas Cage movie _U.S.S. Indianapolis: Men of Courage_ ," Portland replied. "Indy isn't portrayed as exactly...historically accurate."

"I'm being played by ALABAMA!" Indy snarled. "A fucking BATTLESHIP is playing a HEAVY CRUISER! Hasn't that group of crackheads and dope addicts they call a production team ever heard of GOOD CGI?! What I saw was like they'd never read a history book and used CGI on the level of 'direct-to-DVD-$5-Bin at WalMart'!"

Evidently the thought of it gave a new source of anger, for she let out another loud roar, broke loose from Portland, and took off.

"Indy!" Portland wailed as she ran after her sister ship.

* * *

Admiral Holloway was relaxing in his quarters when suddenly there was a loud banging on his door. Answering it, he saw the worried faces of Taffy 3, as well as several of the cruisers and battleships.

"What's going on?"

"It's Indy," Wichita replied nervously. "S-She saw the trailer for the new film about her sinking."

All color drained from Admiral Holloway's face. He'd seen the trailer himself and had thought the inaccuracy was on par with the clusterfuck that was Michael Bay's _Pearl Harbor_. And if Indy had seen the trailer, then...

"Oh, God..." he trailed off. "Where is she now?"

"Portland had a hold on her, but Indy broke free and took off. W-We don't k-know w-where she is now," Nevada replied nervously.

The sense of foreboding in Holloway's mind only got larger.

* * *

Roy Swanson had it pretty good. Ten years in the Marines, four times in the sandbox, retired as an E-6, and now he got a pretty good paycheck to sit in a little air-conditioned booth and let celebrities in and out of a major movie studio. Granted, none of them knew he even existed, but not everybody got to regularly lay their eyes on such gorgeous women as Julia Roberts and Emma Watson. Yep, life was pretty good.

"Excuse me."

He turned to see a girl who had every one of the Hollywood actresses beat in the looks department. She was beyond-gorgeous...and wearing a helluva lot of guns.

When the girl saw she had Roy's attention she smiled prettily. "Hi. Could I go in there and...talk to a few people? See, they made a movie about me and it was so riddled with lies it's sad. I just wanna go in there and tell them what I think of them."

The triple gun turrets snapped to attention, and Roy remembered his Drill Instructor at Parris Island once telling his platoon, _"Choose the hill you die on."_

And this hill was sure as shit not the one he'd choose.

He smiled pleasantly and pressed the button to raise the traffic stick up. "Have a nice evening, ma'am...hope you find the people you're looking for."

The girl smiled. "Me, too."

As she walked onto the lot, Roy couldn't help but wonder what the number '35' on her shirt signified. He couldn't for the life of him think of any sports teams that had jerseys in grey-blue and navy blue...

* * *

Three days later, Admiral Holloway collapsed into his desk chair and took a swig from the three fingers of Jack Daniels he'd poured himself.

The situation was finally under control. Indy had finally relented on not slowly and painfully killing every member of the production team and they'd sobbed out apologies while staring down the barrels of her 8-inch guns. The film itself had been pulled from production, and the studio had offered Indy the position of historical advisor for the second attempt.

All in all, both sides were happy...Indy was happy because the story was going to actually be told right, and the studio was happy that all the humans had escaped with their lives and all major body parts intact.

It was finally time to breathe a sigh of relief.

* * *

Admiral Goto looked up as Imuya came into his office.

"Um, Admiral...we might have a problem," she began nervously.

Goto's left eye twitched; observing him, Ooyodo made a mental note to get him some of his medicine as soon as Imuya left.

"What now?" Goto muttered.

"Well, Goya saw this trailer for a new Pacific War movie being made in America...that same one that Indy saw that Admiral Holloway said made her go berserk..." Imuya trailed off.

"Go on..." Goto replied, having a sinking feeling that he was not going to like where this was heading.

"Well, Goya's in the movie," Imuya continued, "...andshe'sbeingplayedbyanAmericansubmarine."

"Could you repeat the last part?" Goto asked. "I didn't quite catch it."

Imuya sighed. "I said, 'she's being played by an American submarine'."

Goto felt faint. If there was anything his submarine girls prided themselves on, it was their sleek looks. This was definitely not good.

"I want to see her immediately...we need to nip this in the bud," he ordered Imuya, who laughed nervously.

"What?"

"Well, sir...that's just it," Imuya looked like she wanted to be anywhere else but there at that moment. "She saw the trailer yesterday afternoon...and nobody's seen her since."

Goto froze.

* * *

Goya grinned as she poked her head up and saw the lights of Los Angeles. It had been one long week getting here, but finally those film people would know how insulted she was at being portrayed by an American submarine. The honor of B-Type submarines would be upheld at all costs.

"Ready torpedoes," she muttered. "Dive...dive...dive!"


End file.
